Drowning

When the nights are long, and the silence is deafening

When you drown in the vicious cycle of spiraling down the rabbit hole

And all you can do, is pray that this would end

Emotional intensity is a thing that I need to learn to accept

When bonds are forged in unexpected ways, the crash hits harder

---

Diving into connections, being blinded by the feeling of familiarity

I need to learn to put my guard up

You came in crashing, breaking down walls

Giving me affection, comforting and choosing me

You left a mark in my life

You seek for forgiveness, and you asked for empathy;

and yet you put me through the spirals

Blindsided by your boyish charm

Captivated by your sweet nothings

"I meant what I said"

---

Maybe it got too real

you weren't ready

Maybe you felt the same intensity

you got scared

Maybe you got what you set out for

you used me

Maybe you weren't ready to face the music

you upped and left

---

I was stranded, lost and confused

I was reaching out, hoping you would extend your hand again

the final call of desperation

the sleepless nights

the heavy heart

the burdened soul

I let you in to my vulnerability

I learnt to understand, and be patient

I learned to empathize

I learned to love you in your ways

and I learned; what a huge mistake I've made

I should've known better

I should've listened to the cries

I should've put my needs before anything

My feelings are valid; and my feelings are real

my anger, my fears and my love

they may not be for you, but they are part of me

they make me who I am today

my fight or flight

and today, I want to let go

I want to stop spiraling

I want to trust and love again

It was silly of me to put myself out there, for you

Silly of me to ask for something that you have proved incapable of giving

It's time to grow up, and face the dread

Face the fact that you were only communicative when it was beneficial to you

I still believe we connected, and it scared you

But I don't want to suffer in this spiral anymore

I want to heal and move on

I'm tired of clinging on to the idea of you and what could have been

I got abandoned, and I'll learn to pick up the pieces

I'll miss the bond we had; while I learn to let go

You've served as a lesson, and a painful one at that

thank you, and be safe; love.