Vulnerability.

The state of your vulnerability can be overwhelming.

I learnt that lesson, through tears and scars.

It was relationships after relationships.

From insecurities to confidence, from being abused to standing up for myself.

I've always wondered if there was anyone out there that felt the same.

I've met people who thinks that I'm too dominant, who thinks that I'm hard-headed and opiniated, and I have very high expectations of myself and my partner. And yet nobody was intrigued enough to know why or what happened.

But I promise you, what lies beneath the smiles and driven character, is someone that just wants to sit down, cry her hearts out and be taken care of.

I don't know if someone ever felt this way, but there's this saying that goes "behind every sweet smile, there's bitter sadness"

It rings true for me, at least.

But who can you show this side to?

Who can really understand the pain and trauma that you've been through?

People tend to empathize and try to understand what you're telling them, but do they really feel you? It gets tiring in the long run. Nobody has that amount of patience to coddle you and listen to your sob story again and again, to try and help you get over your bad experience.

But, what if, what if you're not strong enough to fight this battle on your own?

There were times, where people like us, wanted to end it all.

There were times, where we hung with bad company, where we could easily let ourselves go.

The scarring on our arms, thighs and stomachs.

Every time the blade draws blood, or the nails tear open the skins. Emotions and adrenaline rushes..

Waves after waves of pain, it brings us back to reality.

"Physical pain hurts lesser than emotional pain"

But people who are mentally healthy, they won't understand that sentence.

"Just stop thinking about it."

"Cheer up, it's just a bad day"

"What are you doing this for? Attention?"

But yet nobody took the time to really understand why.