Suffocation.

When it all starts spiraling and you're almost out of breath, who do you seek?

When care and concern turns into gaslighting and interrogation, who can you blame?

When boundaries are crossed and denial sets, who can you turn to?

When voicing out your concerns turn into an argument, when digging deeper is disrespect

When you move to start afresh, in hopes of peace and freedom, and you end up being caged in

When everything is dark, and all you want to do is scream and claw your way out

When talking turns into screaming, when setting boundaries turn into temper tantrums

'You should've seen it coming'

'You should've known better'

'You should've been smarter'

They said: "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

But does that mean that you should keep your head down and pretend that you're okay?

Lines were crossed, and words were thrown

For the first time in my life, I was called 'selfish' and I was told to 'reflect on it'

When giving all I have, was not enough - I am selfish

For voicing out my needs - I am selfish

For wanting just a fraction of understanding - I am selfish

But why is the burden of all these laid on to me?

The wounds never quite heal

Moving to start afresh, moving to escape the reality you had

Moving because you naively believed that someone is willing to help you out of the goodness of their hearts

But when the time comes, they disregard all of your thoughts and feelings

They lied about providing and supporting your dreams

All they wanted was to keep you by their side

Constantly reminding you of the things that they've done for you

Constantly reminding you that it's all because of you

.. and for what?

Appreciation and gratitude, but never enough

It's a deathly loop of guilt tripping and repetition of denial

To constantly seek validation even after lines were drawn

Giving mindless answers and twisting the words

.. why?

Why is there a need to coddle your feelings and make you feel like all's good?

Why do I have to validate your feelings when my efforts aren't recognized?

Why do I feel caged in a place where I am supposed to feel safe and protected?

Why do I always freeze around your presence?

Why are your feelings more important than mine?

Why do I feel like I'm in the wrong for wanting to be alone? Why do I feel like my every word and action is going to be scrutinized and used against me?

Why am I holding my tongue and swallowing my feelings? Why am I not allowed to feel safe and be myself? Why does my body freeze up when you enter the room?

Why does it feel like my flame is slowly being extinguished?

.. why?